What We Talk About When We Talk About _________: Should only be used to indicate a meta-construction. That is, you are parodying the use of ironic constructions; therefore the effective — read: funny — use is not necessary because the entire gesture should be read a sort of droll non-attempt. “I’m not trying to be funny.”
The Way We _________ Now: More earnest. You still think the New York Times The Awl has the capability to disappoint.
What Was the __________: You’re just trolling the intern from Gallatin who you make get coffee. Foster would have thought this was funny, like, a week ago, but he probably got a job with n+1 this morning. Too bad he’s never getting laid again.
Ha ha! This is RexXxellent as they say. Summer of Megadeth contributor ninety9 out Fuck Yeah Summer of Megadeths Fuck Yeah Summer of Megadeth. We’re really hoping Magsum reglogs this with What We Talk About When We Cock The Layer Tennis.
I’m hardly in a position to judge what’s a fair use of time, but Lil’B giving a talk at NYU? How it this more punk rock than the Eagles playing s staff concert at Rolling Stone offices? If maybe he scheduled a second talk at a community college in Queens, or swung by a youth center in the Bronx, that fits the mythology a lil’better. Or maybe I’m missing the point.
Q. My refund ended up being like $200 less than I thought. The IRS promises to send details later, but says this is because I failed to do fill out Schedule D, which makes no sense because (a) I'm pretty sure you don't have to fill out Schedule D if you only have $35 of investment income and (b) even if I did have to fill out Schedule D, $35 of investment income accounted for differently couldn't possibly result in a $200 difference. My questions is: What emotions should I be feeling right now? Shame, for doing my taxes wrong, and because I'm finally going to have to start using TurboTax instead of doing it all on paper? Anger at the IRS and Obama for double-taxing my job-creating $35 of investment income? Sheepishness for complaining about a smaller refund than I expected, when after all I'm still getting a refund?
Q. I failed to file taxes last year. I intend to correct this mistake, but I am still in the process of recovering my tax documents from old employers (I moved across country at tax time and the W2s from said employers—of which there were several—were all lost in the move). So… my question. As I have my (only) W2 for this year with me, can I file for this year? Will I still get a refund if owed one?
Q. Based on my cursory understanding of this, there are basically two options to getting back a decent refund for underpaid people like myself. 1) Do everything on TurboTax at the last second, choosing the "maximum deduction" thingy and paying the $30 or whatever for them to file it with my state. I think the "maximum deduction" is something around $2,000? 2) Download a more expensive version of Turbo Tax or whatever that has more forms that allow me to deduct more things (MetroCards, cell phone bill [for work!], even rent??!?!*) but will take me hours of poring through bank records and maybe actual math? Haven't done math since 2003. How does one know if it's worth it to take step 2? *is this a myth?
You put a footnote in your question, forfeit all your money.
Q. Is the Electronic Federal Tax Payment System as pointless and inefficient as I've been experiencing? I only signed up so that my estimated tax payments would be taken from my checking account instantaneously. It's been a week and a half, and all that money is still sitting there in my account. Is this typical? Should I just switch back to checks? And if so, can I borrow a stamp?
Q. I have a new job where I now have to pay quarterly taxes. I got a penalty this year from New York State because I didn't pay enough? I'm also too poor to hire an accountant. How do I figure out how much I should be paying quarterly/socking away from each paycheck. I also am having too much withheld on the federal level. It worked out in my favor this year since the federal withholding (appx $1000) almost matched what I owed the state (appx $850). But I'd like to balance it out so that I'm seeing more money in my paycheck from federal over the course of the year and avoiding the state penalty for under paying.
Q. I am a freelance editor. I often work for foreign institutions. They often pay me with "bank-to-bank transfer" and I get no W2 or 1099. I very carefully report all of this. Last weekend my friends told me this is a perfect opportunity for fraud. How will the IRS ever know (unless they audit me)? So, hmm, now I feel like a chump. Am I?
Are you a freelance editor of Simpsons plots from 18 years ago?
Q. This past year I rented out my apartment through AirBNB and made about $3100. I expected to be taxed; however, AirBNB did not send me any tax forms. How does one go about paying taxes on AirBNB earnings? Would a portion of it be deductible, if one uses their home as a work place?
Q. I work in the service industry, more specifically at a NYC strip club, and therefore file as an independent contractor. Only a portion of my income is reported to the IRS, as the club can only submit receipts from dance dollars, also known as funny money, as proof of income. This year less than $8000 was reported. I've heard that in NYC if one makes under a certain amount of money there is no obligation to file taxes, is this true?
Kind of wish the Spotify-embed news had happened today, what with the “play button” really being more of a “launch app except if you live in a country where we don’t exist, sorry, lol you really thought the web was world wide?” button, and further proving my point about the celestial jukebox’s limitations. But alas.
I live in a Spotify-less country and I’m still ok!
10. Somebody go read the rest of this and tell me what the deal is; I just don’t think I have the strength to face it today.
9. Glazed Canadian Bacon!
8. [no original copy]
7. If you suffer from sleep apnea here is another reason why you suck.
6. Up next: printable robots.
5. Do you like money? Do you wish you knew more about it? Have you spent the last few years nursing an inchoate desire for some sort of website that would help you learn more about money without being stuffy and dry? Yes you have! And here’s the good news: Such a site now exists! Please welcome The Billfold, the newest member of The Awl family. Brought to you by Awl pals Mike Dang and Logan Sachon, The Billfold “aims to do away with the misbelief that talking about difficult money issues is uncomfortable, and create a space to have an honest conversation about how we save, spend and repay our debts. We are going to break one of the last taboos in our culture — talking about what you earn, what you spend, what you owe.” Learn more here!
4. What’s that, you say? A “graphene sensor” that is tattooed on the enamel of my teeth and tells me when to go to the dentist? I believe I will pass, thank you all the same. ALSO OH MY GOD WHY DO YOU PEOPLE KEEP REMINDING ME OF MY DENTAL DIFFICULTIES?
3. See if any of these statements apply to you […] If you agreed with five or more, we should totally hang out. Otherwise, keep at it, I know if you give it your best you will get there eventually.
2. It’s not just doody in your chicken; there might also be arsenic in there.